Friday, January 23, 2009
Still thinking....
Still in a quandary about the $$$$ situation with Chris. Just don't think there is anything I can do. I have decided that I will just have to speak up each chance I get and try to get him to think about his purchases. When he came home the other night from work, I just could not stomach the idea of getting into another pointless fight about money. So I simply told him I would like for him to consider returning the workout stuff he bought off the TV. He so innocently asked me why.... I told him I didn't think it was right that he bought it with the "work" credit card and that since our card is maxed out that we couldn't afford it and I thought it should go back. We didn't say anything else to each other. It is sitting unopened in the kitchen. I don't think he will send it back, but I made it clear that I was not happy with the purchase. Maybe if I do this enough he will realize......maybe I AM DREAMING TOO BUT OH WELL......I think all I can do is speak up, butg unless I leave him and take my finances with me I can't take his wallet away, I can't be with him all the time to see what he is buying, so all I can do is speak up, but I don't want to argue, it gets us no where and just leaves us angry. We have been married forever and besides money we are very happy.
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2 comments:
oh, boy howdy, do i wish i had an answer for that. i've only recently been able to approach The Wife about making changes in the way we "do business" (without the stiff replies and the accusations and the defensiveness; if there are such responses perhaps i've just not yet encountered them) to tackle the very serious financial issues we face. for us it really is not a technical problem -- the issue is a personal, emotional issue that isn't addressed by the "creating-a-budget." i think of it as a lack of will, but it was described to me as a lack of self-esteem or of self-worth and the treatment of which is not by allowing the spending (how i would like to smack the post-partum therapist that suggested it), but the treatment of the poor view of self-worth which causes the lack of willpower. perhaps your husband either has forgotten how to please you -- or believes your expectations have changed in such a way that somewhere inside he now has no idea how to please you -- and so thinks that being the "provider of the things that make you happy" makes you happy and thus will make himself valuable to you. maybe the suggestion is to not discard the idea while you try to work out the technical financial problems (and, oh, the fights).
[ then again, maybe i'm the med student who thinks all the problems i see is the same as the ailment i'm studying. :) ]
'believes your expectations have changed in such a way that somewhere inside he now has no idea how to please you -- and so thinks that being the "provider of the things that make you happy" makes you happy and thus will make himself valuable to you.'
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This might make sense IF he was spending money on things for me, but alas, no, he is spending on himself. Maybe I am a weak wife and to make up for that, he is spending money on things to make him happy since maybe I do not....
David P- you are a med student? and have nothing better to do than read my boring blog? I don't mind at all I just don't know why anyone who does not know me would want to read my blog? And how did you come across it?
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