He is emotionally distant, and more concerned about his sex life than my feelings. Jokes about trading me in for a new model but sometimes with him jokes are just insight into how he really is feeling. No hugs or shoulders for me to cry on. Just thinks I am stupid for wanting to cry. No telling me everything will be alright, or we will get through this together. Came to the appointment today and thought I was dumb for being concerned about what the doctor told me. Why can't he just hold my hand and tell me he loves me and give me a safe place to share my worries. Instead I can't share my feelings for fear of being made to feel stupid for feeling worried. I told his mom everything was fine and Chris insisted on making me look stupid and telling his mom that I thought I had cancer. Why make me look stupid to his mom? What was the point? Did he tell all his friends that his wife is a basket case that should be locked up for being crazy? Nobody else I have talked to seems to think that being worried is abnormal. Maybe never being worried about anything is abnormal.
A little tenderness and understanding goes along ways towards relieving stress for person undergoing a rough time, I really need that right now and I can't get it from home. I wish my Mom could come and just cuddle me and rub my head and tell me that I'll get through this what ever it may be.
1 comment:
You should consider showing your husband this blog entry.
Remember, I'm here for you and will listen to all of your worries. Your worries are my worries. I don't think you're crazy or silly. How could anyone not worry when they're being sent to an oncologist with a report from a doctor that says "Hodgkins lymphoma" on it. That's not just worrisome, that's downright scary.
Don't let your husbands careless words keep you from seeking a diagnosis ASAP. It's possibly cancer we're talking about. If it is cancer finding out sooner is better. You know that. And if it's not cancer you won't have been wrong for having worried. This is a big deal.
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