My biggest worry

Maybe if I journal this it will give me less stress, though I am not sure how. I am less freaked out about potentially having cancer than I am about the fact that I was denied disability insurance and if I get sick (which I may not) then we could go broke in a matter of weeks. I would rather be dead then to ruin my family financially. We have never been big savers and have a tiny emergency fund, Chris has been putting away in a 401k for years, but I am not sure how much is there. We have a few thousand in the stock market too. If I can't work then Chris has to pick up the insurance for the family which he has assured me in the past is quite expensive. We could not live on one salary, as far as I can figure. I am sure if the time comes then we will figure it out but that is my stress. I am also carrying the guilt of being denied disability insurance because I was taking antidepressants. When they denied me I stopped taking them, hoping that when open enrollment came around that I could reapply and maybe get coverage. Now here is the really guilty part. The enrollment came when I was off for nearly a week when Colin had pneumonia and I didn't get to apply. I feel like I dropped the ball and now I may pay dearly for it. Or rather my family may pay dearly for it. For my mistake, my oversight. Now there was no guarantee that they would have given me coverage, but I will never know for sure and it makes me feel terrible. Just terrible.