Depression

It is a family curse, and with the exception of post partum depression I have managed to escape it so far. But alas, it has caught me. I couldn't understand how all the people in my life had become so obnoxious and horrible to be around, my co-workers, husband, children, everyone. The whole world had just become intolerable. There was nothing to look forward to, nothing to enjoy, just living was painful work. I hated getting up in the morning and I hated going to bed at night. Why had the world become such a terrible place? It dawned on me one day when I got called into the bosses office and talked to about my terrible attitude. I walked out of there angry. It's not me with the bad attitude, it's everyone else. Didn't she see the whole world was against me? It took a few more days and the light bulb came on. There wasn't anything wrong with the rest of the world, it was me with the problem. For some strange reason it actually made me feel better to realize that the rest of the world wasn't going crazy, it was just me. I knew that I could fix myself, but I sure was having trouble trying to figure out how I was going to make the rest of the world happy. So now I didn't have to try to fix the world, just myself. A much easier task if I may say so myself. So I took my butt to the doctor and cried as I told her hwo somedays I would rather run my car into a tree than face antoher day and she promptly wrote me a perscription for happy pills. It is taking some time and I have good dyas and bad days but life is a little less dark these days.

The dog is going to the pound on Tueday. He is just not housebreaking and neither me nor Chris have anymore ideas. I am sick to death of having the dog "teathered" to me night and day, and for the few moments he is free, he leaves his marks, even after a walk. The kids are too little to really be able to help and I am sick of cleaning the carpet. I don't really need the extra stress of this anymore. I have never really bonded with the dog, and will only be upset because it makes me feel like a failure, and it is making Brandon sad. I think we all like the idea of a dog, but the reality is much different. I may have to get Brandona fish to take his mind off of it.

The kidds shared bday party is June 7th and they are very excited. They are having a party at the local gymnastics place. They get to run arond for an hour then have cake for 30 minutnes. Bingo bango done. Easy peasy lemon squeasy.

I am slowly trying to find my path with God. I have had very little religon in my life and am finding some peace of mind these days knowing that I am not alone. But I can't help feeling a little fake about it sometimes, but I am trying. My Aunt Mary sent me a book that was sent to me at just the right time in my life, by what I am sure was some divine intervention. I also picked up a Joel Osten book at the store which is good positive reading.

I don't know how often I will keep up my blog, but that is an update for anyone that is interested.